"Not Like PAIN 'Pain,' Right?"

Ugh.
Next week I am supposed to follow up with a lousy doctor who gave me medication to stop bleeding and pain.

Only I think he's convinced it's only to stop the bleeding.

Because, after all, last time, he refused to accept my "always 1-2, maybe sometimes a little more" on the 1-10 "pain scale." I had my first horrible doctor story when he repeatedly tried to get me to talk about the lack of pain and clarified what he was trying to get me to say by saying, "Not like pain 'pain,' right?" (And said it again when I replied, "Yes--pain--the nature of it is ____ sensation.")

FUCK.

I could've had the good doctor--just not for several more weeks. And everyone around me--laypeople and doctors--suggested I take the first doctor in the field available.

And now my insurance and I are supposed to pay him Heaven only knows how much more money to say, "Problem solved!" when the problem isn't solved--it's only half-solved. The bleeding stopped. But my--yes, pain 'pain,' fuck you--hasn't. And it wasn't there before, so I want it back to normal, and that's your high paid f***ing job.

My partner thinks it's not really a doctor's job and that I should see if some physical self-displine (exercise, etc.) clears the rest of the pain up.

In a way, I see his point, but in a way ... FUCK THAT. As lucky as I am to pay as little for healthcare as I do, relative to others, I WANT TO GET EVERY BIT OF CARE PER DOLLAR THAT IS AVAILABLE AT ANY OTHER COMPARABLE OFFICE IN AMERICA PER DOLLAR. I don't know...all the other doctors say not to doctor-hop. So instead of doing so right away, I guess I'll start by writing my primary care provider a letter, ahead of this appointment, expressing my discomfort. Maybe she'll be able to write a letter to the bad doctor that will influence his behavior for the better at my appointment with him next week, and I won't have to have paid him for 2 appointments and start the expensive-appointment process all over w/ his good-doctor (or so I hear) colleague.

I feel a little less upset, angry, and sad having thought of this idea.

Promise to self: I will follow it through.