Tuesday, February 2

I Tried Not Taking Up So Much Space - Here's How It Felt

I want my behavior to reflect the lessons I think I'm learning from activist writers. Last night, I imperfectly tried behaving in such ways.

I had mixed emotions about the way I behaved.

I didn't get what I wanted, and I don't think that the result of me sharing power with others really resulted in progress towards a more just society like I hoped getting what I wanted would.

(How's that for a sentence?)

But gosh darn it, no matter what the outcome--no matter whom I shared power with (perhaps people more conservative than me)--I did it.

The quiet folks in the back didn't have to see me make a scene of two upper-middle-class healthy young white people in the front who've already talked all night going at it against each other for minutes on end (when there's a time limit to the whole meeting).

Maybe what I'm feeling right now--this dejected feeling that I could've done more if I'd just stood up for doing things my way--is one of the negative emotions BFP and others have said can accompany not taking up space. (Maybe not.)

But a fair life doesn't involve all joy, all the time anyway, right?

Maybe what I did last night is okay to repeat. And worth repeating.

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